[Vovchandr]

Alright there is this kid that walks into the garage one day and
see's his father smoking a cigar so he asks his dad
"hey dad, can I have a puff off of your cigar?"
The dad replies "well son, can you touch your dick to your ass"?
The kid says no and the father goes "well there's your answer"

A week goes by and the kid see's his dad drinking a beer so he
asks him "hey dad, can I have a sip off of your beer?"
The dad replies "well son, can you touch your dick to your ass"?
The kid says no again and the father goes "well there's your answer"

Another week goes by and the kid's up in his room eatingsome milk and cookies.
The dad walks in and says "hey son, you mind if I get some of those milk and cookies?"
The son replies, "well dad, can you touch your dick to your ass"?

The father proudly replies "yes son, as a matter of fact I can"

The kid says, " good, go fuck yourself, this is my milk and cookies"




A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its Best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.



A kidnapper is dragging his captive through the dark forest.
The captive says "I'm scared!"
The kidnapper says "How do you think I feel,I've got to walk back alone!"

A sailor was deployed to the Middle East. While
he was there he received a letter from his
girlfriend,
in which she explained that she had slept with two
guys while he had been gone, she wanted to break up
with him, and she wanted back the photo of herself
she had given him.
So the sailor did what any squared-away sailor
would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all
the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then
mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the
following note:
> "I'm sorry, I can't remember which one you are, but
> please take the one that belongs to you and send the
> rest back."

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is
> > > > Basketball.
> > > >
> > > > 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level
> > > > employees is Bowling.
> > > >
> > > > 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers
> > > > is Football.
> > > >
> > > > 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is
> > > > Baseball.
> > > >
> > > > 5. The sport of choice for middle management
> > > > is Tennis.
> > > >
> > > > 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers
> > > > is Golf.
> > > >
> > > > THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
> > > >
> > > > The higher you are in the corporate structure,
> > > > the smaller your balls become.


There was an Irishman, an Englishman and a beautiful lady sitting together in

a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through

a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the

carriages and it went completely dark.

Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When

the train came out of the tunnel, the lady and the Irishman were sitting as

if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as

he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking: "The Irish fella must have kissed the lady and

she missed him and slapped me instead."

The lady was thinking: "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and

actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it."

The Irishman was thinking: "This is great! The next time the train goes

through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English idiot

again."


Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed

through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud

voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is

watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was

frightened. Frantically, he looked around. In a dark corner, he spotted a

bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes",

said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your

name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you

Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."