[Vovchandr]

oh stop your bitching about reading

its a joke, on the internet, you have to read it to get it, sorry

if you dont feel like reading then what the hell are you doing on the internet?





More:

Happy & Sad

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the
husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy
and sad at the same time".

The wife thought for a few moments, then said,

"Your pecker is bigger than your brother's".


While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. "Good lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over. Suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.

The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanour made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.

Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?" The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?" "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."




A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her billfold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" "No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The woman replied, "That's okay, it's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine!"